


Loving Like This

by Soupy950



Series: The Lives of Ellie and Dina [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Reflection, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25023127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soupy950/pseuds/Soupy950
Summary: Dina was too young for any of this - A mother with a girlfriend off in California with a death wish.Dina stays and Ellie returns.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina and JJ, Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie and JJ
Series: The Lives of Ellie and Dina [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823677
Comments: 4
Kudos: 153





	Loving Like This

It was the point in time where everything was hazy – too late to commit to sleep but too early to get the day started.

At nineteen, Dina spent this time sat in the handmade rocking chair gifted to her with her son sleeping soundly against her breast, mourning the loss of a love.

At just nineteen, she had seen, heard and done things unimaginable to anyone her age in the old world. 

She was too young. She should have been too young for any of this.

The world didn’t care about that. Tommy didn’t care about that. Ellie didn’t care.

JJ cooed in his sleep and she stroked the back of her left index finger against his cheek like she had seen Ellie do numerous times.

No. Ellie cared. Just not enough.

Not enough to stay. Not enough to stay with her. Not enough to stay with their son and the sense of family they had built. It stung when she realised she had lost Ellie. Stung when she realised that Abby and the endless cycle of revenge and violence were more important than the love she had freely given.

The familiar tightness in her heart, her throat, her head, returned as it did every night when she remembered the sound of the patio door closing on what should have been a beautiful chapter of their life.

And yet, she couldn’t let go of the love she experienced when thinking about the taller woman she had called her girlfriend. She sighed deeply. She was too young for this. Mourning like one of the widows she saw around Jackson.

If she focused hard enough, past the pain, past the rejection, she could just about remember happier times. Returning to Jackson, Ellie’s support throughout her pregnancy, moving into their farmhouse and the first night spent together as a little family.

It was all she could hold onto. Especially as the months ran into November and marked eight months since Ellie had left them behind. Especially as the cold nights never failed to remind her of the empty pillow next to her.

She had already begun to forget how Ellie smelt and could only grasp at straws when she tried to remember the sound of her voice.

It was that thought that sent her into sleep more from exhaustion rather than any desire to succumb to rest and a lone tear dripped down her left cheek.

\---

She jerked in the rocking chair and clutched JJ closer to her chest.

Through sleep blurred vision, she made out a slim figure as it loomed over her and instinctively kicked wildly towards them.

She felt her foot meet flesh, reached for a pistol nearby and aimed at the intruder.

“Dina! Dina, it’s me.”

Dina backed up further into the room, gained raised still and held JJ tighter as he miraculously slept on. It was dark. So dark that it took her a few precious seconds to make out the slim, familiar woman hunched over in the middle of the room.

Her throat closed in disbelief, “What? Ellie?” her voice cracked as she heaved in oxygen.

The woman straightened; hands raised in surrender either side of her head. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me, Ellie.”

Ellie lowered her hands slowly and hesitantly stepped towards her, “It’s okay. Dina, it’s okay.”

Dina placed her free hand on the back of JJ’s head and kissed his soft hair with closed eyes. She was amazed at how her mind had been able to conjure such a realistic vision.

“This is a dream. This is a dream,” she chanted under breath.

So lost in her mantra, she was unaware of how Ellie had closed the distance between them until she felt the familiar and calloused hand against her cheek. She felt Ellie’s other hand as it closed around her own with the pistol and gently removed it from her possession.

“Dina, this is real, I’m real. I swear it,” Ellie’s free hand joined her left one on JJ’s back.

Still hazy, Dina looked down and noticed the missing fingers on the girl’s left hand. Her head snapped up, “Ellie?”

Ellie, wide-eyed, nodded softly, “Yes.”

As the realisation washed over Dina, she took a large step away, her back pressed into the closed window behind her.

“Stay back!” She heaved, anguish across her face.

Ellie tried to move closer, “Dina…”

Dina held up a hand, “Don’t,” she sniffled. “Don’t say a word.”

Watery green eyes stared back at her pleadingly, but Ellie obeyed despite the clear desperation across her face.

“You don’t just get to walk back in here,” Dina continued.

“I know,” Ellie interrupted, “I know. Dina, I swear it, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” She jerked her chin at JJ who had started to stir from the noise, “Both of you.”

Dina shook her head, “How can I believe that Ellie? You walked out on me. You walked out on us.”

“There’s nothing I can say or do that will make that go away, okay? But I’m here now. I promise, it’s over,” Ellie pleaded.

Dina stood and contemplated her entire life up until that moment. She rocked back and forth to lull JJ back to sleep. After around five minutes of soothing rocking and bouncing, he finally nodded back off.

Dina looked up and shook her head, “I hope you found what you needed to.”

“Dina,” Ellie begged, “Please.” Ellie hadn’t moved an inch since the last time Dina looked at her.

Resolutely, Dina walked past the woman and started up the stairs. She paused halfway up and turned to look at Ellie who had anxiously followed her to the first step.

“You can sleep in the barn,” she turned and continued up towards their bedroom.

The constant turmoil that had plagued her for months, eased slightly when she heard the deep, relieved breath that Ellie let go of.

She kissed JJ’s head again.

God, she was too young for this.

\---

_I cry for you on my bedroom floor,_

_I got you swimming in myself_

_How do you do this?_

_You consume me wholly,_

_But leave me lonely_

_You are, you are the only one._

_And I'm far too young to be loving like this_  
  


_'Loving Like This' - Sabella_

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the song 'Loving Like This' by Sabella.
> 
> I finished the game and while I begged Ellie to stay, I also understood her point of view of why she left. However, I needed to write an ending where Dina stayed.


End file.
